Notre Blog

When a man is distant after sex, it leaves the woman he’s involved with full of questions. She wonders what’s going on and what exactly she did wrong. In most cases, if she tries to talk to him about it, he’ll act surprised or say he has no idea what she means. If you are in this position with the man you’re interested in, you know it can leave you second guessing yourself. You’ll feel unsure of everything. You’ll question whether he didn’t enjoy himself when you two were making love or if he ever really cared for you at all. It’s difficult and if you leave it unaddressed, chances are that the distance he’s trying to attain will be a permanent thing. You don’t want that so you need to first understand why he’s acting this way and also it’s important to learn what you can do to change it.

Understanding what it means when a man is distant after sex isn’t nearly as complicated as you may think. Some women automatically assume it means that he’s withdrawing because he’s so overcome with emotion. That’s not the case at all. Typically if a man starts to pull back after you two have slept together it’s because he’s questioning the timing. If you two just started dating and you were already intimate, that may impress him in the moment, but afterwards it won’t. As soon as it’s over he’ll start wondering whether your willingness to share yourself so openly is something you regularly do.

Men don’t want to feel as though the women they are with are promiscuous. They don’t ever want to wonder whether you’ve slept with other men as soon in your relationship with them. If you did it with him, he’s going to assume you’ve done it with other men too.

Obviously you can’t go back and undo the intimacy. That line has been crossed already. If this man is someone you believe you want to build a relationship with, you have to get to work changing his image of you.

To begin with it means no more sex until you’ve established a new dynamic with him. You’re going to take a step backwards and date the man. Since he’s become distant, don’t count on him asking you out again. He may but chances are that he’s doing it because he wants to be intimate, and little more. You have to set the new guidelines for the relationship. Meet him at your date destination instead of him picking you up. Don’t go back to his place for now. Just steer clear of any situations that would put you in a position of him expecting you to have sex.

If you can do this for a few weeks, and get to know him on a basic level, the rushed intimacy will become a thing of the past. Work on establishing a real emotional connection with him and the fact that you slept with him so soon won’t seem so unflattering anymore.

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Source de Gillian Reynolds