6 ways to stop a man who wants to be physically intimate with you too soon! « He is too forward, » Christine’s mouth twisted in disgust. « Just image, I just met him and he wants to touch me up. What does he think I am – a tramp? » Her indignation was beginning to grow into mixture of anger and embarrassment. Another girl told me how utterly despicable this guy was because all he seem to want to do is have sex and they had just only met. She crossed him off immediately. Should you reject a man because he makes sexual advances on you before getting to know you properly? Well this is what Christine (and most women) did. Do you agree? Well on the surface of things she is probably right.
However let’s drill down some more. After much studied thought I am slowly coming to the conclusion that a lot of women are missing out on having a great relationship and a good man because of something that can be fixed. First let me say that most men in one way shape or form entertain a remote idea of what it would be like to have sex with you. Most men – thank goodness – manage this thought and feelings. They don’t let you know that, because they realize that you may be offended like my client. By the way if you are attracted to the man you will think likewise but you won’t show this because you don’t want to appear like a common prostitute. FACT: most men are psychosexually programmed for sex. This has nothing to do with him being nasty, earthy etc. It is simply when his seminal vesicles (the part of his testicles that store sperms) are full; he gets a strong biological urge to have sex. This may be when he goes on the « prowl ». It is similar to the urges you get around your menstrual cycle.
That said most men make an intelligent effort to control it. Another reason when some men try to push your hot buttons is to test you. He wants to find out how easy it is to score on you. Of course if you give in he will have a great time but you ratings in his eyes will drop significantly. Of course if you give in he will have a great time but you ratings in his eyes will drop significantly. What can you do? How to you handle this?
1. First you must be clear about your boundaries and principles.
a. When do you feel safe to begin physical contact. No I don’t mean sex. Holding hands, kisses, necking petting
b. Determine if you want a good night kiss and what type of kiss you will allow eg peck on cheek, light mouth peck etc
2. Also be clear about how many dates or how well you want to know a guy before having sex e.g 2,3,4 months or dates. My strong suggestion is never to have sex on the first few dates.
3. If a man begins to touch you in uncomfortable places, do not get angry, simple take his hand and gently but firmly move it back on his leg, calmly explain that you don’t feel comfortable doing that at this point.
4. Tell a story of one of your friends who gave in to a guy recently, fell pregnant and the guy didn’t want to know. Explain how cheap and worthless she feels now. Emphasise that it’s never a great idea for a woman anyway since may be just a test.
5. Be sure to be light hearted about it all. Indicating through you attitude that it good to have fun and even do things together with him but you are not about to go down that (necking, petting and sex) road at this point.
6. If he continues get up and immediately terminate the date or meeting. Here the attitude you should adopt when men try to hit on you. « Sex is great but I don’t feel comfortable doing it unless I am in a secured relationship. »